had a pretty good day today...
got to see my doctor for possibly the last time... she's just there once in a blue moon now as opposed to full time...
so i got a new script for my crazy drugs, reflux tablets (no more lump in my throat tonight thank christ, now it's just my guts that need to get better).... did a lap of the lions club markets in the main street, got some nice vegies and the local paper...
then came home, cleaned the deep fryer at last, put some washing out, let the chookies out for a run around the yard, fertilised all the hebes along my front hedge fence line bit thingo whatsit.... jake helped with mulching all the nanna bushes along the concrete cause they were getting a bit naked from all the wind and other birds scratching the last lot of mulch out from under them...
reorganised the front porch plants, everything out in the open now and the fruit tree pot plants relocated to either side of my bedroom window, looks awesome and not so cluttered near the front door...
had a nap again this afternoon.... i'll see if i can sleep through tonight without taking the patches off my nose again...
then made a great dinner for us, pork chops and a potato bake... damn those potatoes were good... bacon, onion and cheese makes a great addition to it... and got to use a small handful of the garlic chives growing out the front...
so i was washing the dishes and it suddenly dawned on me, that 90% of the time when i'm washing dishes, i have a smile on my face without realising it... there's a few things that i do that make me smile automatically, cleaning seems to be one of them, i guess it's the pleasure in knowing the sort of result that comes from it - a clean home...
does the same sorta thing when i am in the garden, sometimes even when i'm mowing the paddocks and i'm knackered as anything...
so it's nice that even when times are tough, money is worse than non existent, and work can be a difficult experience, that i can find things to smile about...
the trick now, is to acknowledge when i am smiling and make myself aware of it, so i can enjoy what is going on around me even more...
nothing is worse than when i am feeling bad or sad, and put on a 'brave face' and smile when i'm not feeling like smiling - pretty much always puts me in tears... contradictory things like that have always made me sad...
i remember in primary school just after my parents got back from spending the whole of summer school holidays overseas without me and my sister (and staying with my godparents whilst my sister stayed with a family friend), we had this page exercise with a picture of a girl in tears.... can't remember what it was all about, but she had these hair ties with love hearts on it... it literally made me upset and cry because in my mind, i was sad that this girl was crying even though she had these "nice and happy looking hair ties"
the teacher sent me to the sick room next door and they called mum to pick me up - i just said i was upset cause i hadn't seen my parents all holidays and then a couple days after they got back, i was already back in school, so i was missing them.... that was the 'story' that day anyway...
even today when i think about that picture, it can still make me feel a bit upset, and sometimes when i'm trying to cry something out of my system, i'll think of that picture too...
so i guess, in summation, learning to express what you are feeling is the key to living a full life.
if you are feeling sad, feel sad, show your sadness
if you are feeling angry, feel the anger, disperse the anger in a controlled way (punching bag, throw rocks in a paddock, write a blog)
if you are feeling good, revel in it, enjoy the moment to its' fullest
and if you are smiling, be aware of your smile, and wear it with pride...
at the end of the day, i love it when i can smile cause i paid a DAMN good amount of money for it!!!!!
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
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