i started to sing because i thought i would get in trouble if i didn't...

i figured after about 26 years i might as well put it in print

i've told many people the story but i'm sure there are others who haven't heard it or didn't know the skill i had learned from a young age...

basically, i learned to sing out of fear...

i was in kindergarten at school, so it would have been 1989....

i remember on the little timetable thing on the door to the classroom, one afternoon, there was this word - choir

i was looking at it wondering what the hell "chore" (as i had thought it was pronounced at the time) actually was...

there was this fuss going on around me, kids left, right and centre, all bustling around - some going into the classroom, others walking down the couple of steps to the quadrangle as they walked up to the school hall.

then, towering over me, was my teacher - mrs fischer - and she was asking me "are you in the choir, allan?" and i sorta froze a bit cause i thought to myself 'what the hell is quire?' not realising at the time that 'quire' was actually the 'choir/chore' word on the door...

she repeated herself a couple of times asking if i was in the choir, by this stage almost sounding a bit frustrated cause i didn't answer, only cause i had no idea what the hell choir was.....

so out of fear of getting into trouble, i said "yes i am" and was thence shuffled off to join the other kids walking up to the school hall...

still wondering what the fuss was about and what i was about to encounter, i continued up to the hall and they were sorting out groups of kids for something, for all i knew it was to ship us off on the next rocket to mars to start a new martian race!

then i found out, we were there to sing - well i knew what singing was, but what the heck did 'chore' have to do with it?!

singing has been very therapeutic for me.

it relieves stress and tension, but at the other end of the scale it also elevates, uplifts and gives a feeling of celebration of the fact that life exists within one's self...

which then ties in with my passion for the music i love and how different sorts of music changes how i feel, act and emote...

some songs make me feel like i want to dance (like tonight's boppy rendition of 'free fallin' (zoe badwe) in the truck on way home from melton)

other songs make me feel very sad, even cry (like 'dance (while the music still goes on)' (abba) and 'all the good in this life' (garbage) )

then there are songs that unearth what i believe to be one of my personalities that i work hard to ensure doesn't come out in a physical way - songs that make me feel evil, dark, sinister, potentially angry (such as 'what it feels like for a girl (above and beyond's 12" club mix)' (madonna) which is almost 9 minutes of darkness, but somewhat a pleasureable darkness) - generally many dance/trance songs give me the feeling of evil darkness.....

and then back on the other end of the spectrum, there are dance/trance songs that make me feel more alive than anything in this world...

at the end of the day, music and singing is what makes up a large part of my persona... i have many songs for many different occasions and many different historical values

some songs, those i may have enjoyed listening to, i have had to delete from my memory as the thoughts it brings up are far too disturbing or painful - it took about 5 years before i could listen to 'colour my life' (m people) again after breaking up with a fat person.... i put the first line of that song as an inscription inside a ring for that fat person.... hence after breaking it off for very difficult reasons (and was a very incredibly difficult process), i couldn't listen to the beautiful words that mike pickering wrote as the first song he would release for m people

colour my life is a true love song, descriptions so real and easily able to relate to that it just rolls off the tongue just as easy it is to swing your hips to the tune of the rhythm and blues backdropping it

i love my music, and without it, i would be a completely different person altogether

whilst i might be single and living alone, i am always in good company from the tapes, vinyls and cds in my home

it is something i have always thought - that when i pass on into the next life, i want to be buried with all the music i have, so it comforts me during my rest

thank you for the music, for giving it to me

i am truly grateful for it