am i the only one who thinks this way?

my body aches... but at least it was only 2 hours worth of mowing... mowed more dirt than grass admittedly, but at least all the stringy growth of dandelions are trimmed back to a neat low cut... and the chookies have some grass and dirt to dig around in and fossick around for some grubbies...

i'm really not sure about my nasal patches for the sleep apnea just yet.

i've gotten to the stage, though, that i can wear the patches all night and not take them off during the night without realising it, so i must be used to them now...

just a worry when i wake up in the morning and feel even more exhausted than i used to be, and occasionally wake up with headaches too... but the specialist said to expect sleep patterns to get worse before they start to get better...

i really just don't like the feeling of drifting off to sleep and feeling like it's impossible to fight - whilst driving...

it reminds me of a time last year when i was waiting to catch a train to the city for alex's birthday... i was standing on the edge of the platform wondering what it would be like to jump in front of a moving train... how it would feel, the impact on the body, recovery (if possible).... i started to wonder whether those who had done just that were thinking along the same lines as me, not so much to suicide but just curiosity... cause that's all it really was.

the doctor said that those trying to suicide are more so thinking that doing such a rash thing would be a solution to their problems... i certainly wasn't thinking that at all, so i was ok about it all..

but backtracking to the driving and falling asleep thing - the similarity that i thought about, was thinking 'is this what happens to those who fall asleep at the wheel?'

do they feel the sensation of tiredness creeping up behind them and before they realise what's happening to their body, it's too late?

i know it's a bit morbid, but it really does make me think... and hopefully the more i think about it, the less likely i am to have a full on pass out...

one of the reasons i wish i could catch the train to work... no risk of causing accidents at the seat of a train whilst sleeping.....

*yawn* that reminds me - i'm tired, and it's late, and my laundry has just finished... i can goto bed now, hug the teddy bear and tell him i love him