chookies are picky with their food too...

my brain is sore...

my internal balances feel unbalanced...

at the moment it feels like everyone wants a piece of me

which means i'm feeling like a victim but i don't want to play the victim as everyone just shrugs shoulders at you for trying to seek attention...

so days like today are where my brain does the thought of "it would be nice to have someone to come home to and cuddle" and then a few seconds later i get over it... today it lingered a bit longer than a few seconds... maybe 5 minutes...

but nonetheless, i get to the same conclusion - i think about the trouble it can be having a relationship, the inability to make decisions for myself without having to feel like i have to consult against someone else for permission...

maybe that's why blowup dolls were invented.... just a temporary stand in when someone is required to 'be there' and then pack them up and send them away for the rest of the time...

i suppose that's why i have teddy in bed and my cheer squad on the couch in the loungeroom... and my girls out the back...

poor tails is losing her bum feathers again - it looks like there's been an attack in the chook yard but it's just her bum malting a shitload of feathers, poor thing...

and then throwing them some feed - first the layer pellets, as usual black goes running after the pellets before they even hit the ground which means she gets covered in them as well..... then she goes looking around, doesn't see any sunflower seeds (from the free range mix), and then she turns around and looks at me with the container in my hand and grumbles at me, as if to say "i know you've still got the good stuff in there, just throw it to me already!"

so i do, and again she bolts to chase the food before it hits the ground, and again she is covered in it for a few moments... goes for all the sunflower seeds she can find before tails gets in there, and that's it... the rest of it will sit there until they get bored lol

well i told her "if you're gonna be like that with food then i'll stop feeding you!"

if it's the same stuff on the ground tomorrow after work, i'll do just that, she always learns quickly and eats up for the next day's treats lol

got some more tomatoes off the bushes, so might chop the ones i have at the moment and make a little salad up...

and going to try a batch of the mince that robyn gave me last week, make a bolognaise type thing - been a few years since i've made it.....

no i'm probably not going to be at hibearnation...

i'm still not sure why people online need to have instantaneous person to person contact...

i remember the good old days of chat rooms and online thingos where people were just happy to talk to you online for a while, emails, instant messengers (old icq and original msn messenger)...

but it appears in the age of mobile phone 'apps', it seems to have changed things to a 'hit or miss' approach

in my case, there's a lot in the 'miss' column as i rarely meet someone soon after chatting to them online...

this morning i had someone contact me on facebook commenting how i was 'their type' and very much what they 'were looking for'... as soon as they tried to make a date (after 2 messages from their end, mind you), they just assumed that we would never catch up because i wasn't going to be at some bear event that he was coming overseas to attend..... so the conversation fell flat on it's ass even after i attempted to continue some sort of conversation...

meanwhile - i looked at the only picture available on his facebook profile and thought "gee, you're so my type - i love the look of a foggy lens with a partially visible bearded face who is neck high in pool water... i can see so much of you...."

it makes me feel that the online world has turned a lot more fickle and boring than it once was many years ago when i started talking to people..... for one thing, i don't consider facebook to be a dating website.....

i guess it adds to the whole 'fast paced world' bullshit that we live in these days...

the one where you have people who would build a house beyond their means from the get-go and buy an instant landscape to make it artificially 'perfect' for them...

i worked up to get the house i am in (which is currently beyond my means, but wasn't from the start), and i am yet to finish landscaping my place, cause i understand whilst i'd like it to look established, it takes time and money to get to the end result...

unfortunately i think this is my downfall when it comes to having valuations from the bank's lending perspectives.... it just looks unfinished, but it doesn't look horrible, and i certainly wouldn't have expected it to detract from a valuation point of view so much...

bin night tonight, i better go put the bin out before it's dark so there's less of a worry of touching webs and potential spiders that might be living in them...

grass looks good after mowing last night, and considering there was a decent drop of rain late last night, and some showers on and off today, i think i picked the best time to chop it back...

that'll do...

the mows have been lawned for the last time this summer.....

busy day today

had the info session for the trainee train driver job this morning, very interesting stuff... amazed how many chicks were in the session compared to blokes...

did the aptitude test again, think i did alright again, but it was just a validation exercise, so long as results are comparable, they proceed on the basis of your first results, so that was nice to hear...

fingers crossed i can make it through to the next round...

the base starting wage pays more than what i earn at the moment, so that's great news (if i score a position)...

got to catch up with darren and bruce afterwards, had a late lunch in port melbourne, lovely food at a takeaway shop that a great little old asian lady runs - she knows the boys quite well now so she was having a good giggle and play whilst serving bruce hehehe

then a gorgeous sparkie tradie walked past us and went to nando's next door, so we hung around for a while after we had finished eating just to wait for him to come back past us for another perve lol at one stage bruce did a 'walk' up to the corner street and back just to check he was still in nando's lol

they dropped me back at the station and i had a nice rest on the train ride home...

as we flew past my backyard, i saw gav next door mowing the lawn... so i thought to myself "well, the weather certainly is pretty good today.... so if the bear's mowing the lawn, a cub has to follow suit"

so i got out and used the last of the petrol in the tin to do the last mowing of the summer season...

all looks very neat and tidy now, and the chookies have some new grass clippings to scratch and dig through for a while to keep themselves entertained....

so now i'm a bit stuffed from all that mowing, but glad i did it today instead of tomorrow.....

got a bundle of washing to do so i'll concentrate on that tomorrow as it should be warm enough to dry everything same day, and then i'll have a nice bundle of ironing to work on afterwards.....

meanwhile, i started to wonder whether one of the kids who lives in the house (of people i don't like) across the road was trying to perve on me whilst i was mowing - that was a bit of a concern..... but i'm sure i was just reading into it, he must just enjoy the sights and sounds of a lawn mower..... who knows.....

stranger things have happened...... most often in my dreams these days! lol

continue looking ahead and upwards...

to lust, or not to lust? is that even a valid question?

started talking to a bloke in america this afternoon... swapped phone numbers to chat on the whatsapp thingy dooby... and then he rings me up! quite a few times actually!

not complaining, just surprised someone overseas would be so willing to ring up and talk to someone in australia

of course the lust factor is there, into most of the same things sexually, but he also has an interesting life story - well the bits he's told me anyway :-)

sorta reminds me a bit of ballarat paul and the fascinating stories he tells me - he's such an interesting guy, i love the stories he tells.

so i think i've made a good new friend today which is nice! new friends are always welcome, as long as they intend on staying friendly and not trying to abuse my friendship in any way, shape or form - but i imagine that would be difficult to do from another country!

sorted out all my paperworks in the computer room this morning, at last.... i can see a clean black desk once again, and all my receipts and bank statements are reconciled again and all the receipts are ready to make up the next start of the wood fire.....

i really should look at getting my flue cleaned out to make sure there aren't any more sparrow nests in there blocking it up..... more money i haven't got lol

so tomorrow is an important day, trip to the city and another aptitude test to complete... i hope i can keep it together enough to get through to the next stage of the process.... it would be really good for me to get a job like this one - bit more longer term/career based path than what i'm on at the moment.... and hopefully a decent packet so i can (finally) look after myself financially again..... and others as required

i've always been like that, if i haven't had much money, i'd hold off asking anyone for help for as long as i possibly could, but then at the other end of the scale, if i had money to spare, 95% of the time i'd spend it on friends to help them out, even if they didn't ask for it....

i'm always the person who enjoys giving things to others more so than receiving, just seeing the look on their faces when i give presents or surprises for birthdays, christmas etc etc or for no reason at all - the classic "i saw this and i thought of you" present...

things at work, meanwhile, i think will be ok for the time being... just need to talk things out with some people and then i think it will be all ok... nothing i hate more than causing trouble...

and those little wanker kids didn't make an appearance in my front yard this afternoon THANK GOD so i can hopefully not worry that they're going to cause me anymore grief......

can i have my new mobile now please?

the clouds are dark and grey, but behind them is always sunshine

the current generation of kids that are growing up are going to be a big pack of wankers

they certainly are at the moment...

i would never even dream of driving up stranger's driveways with other similarly stupid minded friends with complete disregard for other people's property and openly laugh off anything i say to them.... smart asses.... i've got a big truck and i'm not afraid to use it lol it's much bigger than them on their pissy little bikes

i'm really quite angry at the moment... not as angry as i was earlier, but still angry

right, called the coppers on those little pricks, they've ridden off again but hopefully the copper finds them and ruffles them up to scare em off... and if not, i'll door knock a few places around the corner cause my neighbour knows they live on the next street, and there's only half a dozen houses at most to check out...

grrrrrr, why won't people leave me in peace, i haven't done anything wrong or made attempts to provoke anyone... has society just swallowed a whole heap of 'let's annoy good people' pills?

i've never gone out of my way to make life difficult for anyone (except for myself at times) so how do i keep copping it?

i must've been a real bastard in a previous life, or some such!

i'm at home for a few days so i can hopefully just do what cubs do best and hibernate for a while and come out when everything blows over...

but feel free to send donations of supplies, i'll come out to collect those ;-) hehehe

it was very sad to hear of Nereid's passing this morning, she was such a gentle soul... was always a giggle to almost share the same birthday, missed each other by about a week and a bit! but adopted her as my equine twin anyway lol

so many stories jon told me about her and the things they used to do together - horses are amazing and beautiful creations

i hope bailey and batbygobstopl aren't too stressed and upset by her departure today... poor boys, they're on their own now along with the 3 woofers...

i pre-ordered the new samsung galaxy s5 today... i understand it may be a big wank over not much new features from the s4, but i only have an s2 and i'm sick of it turning off and restarting in my hands or in my pocket (at any given time really), and sick of the swype dictionary disappearing after a few weeks of resetting the whole phone.... so it'll cost a bit extra per month on my bill, but i don't care, i'll have a newer more reliable phone to go overseas with (it should arrive about a week before leaving, with some luck...)

6 months until i turn 31... let's see what i can make of the next half a year of life...

and daddy bear dean from tassie called to make sure i was ok, and to remind me he's always thinking of me - that's really made me feel warm and fuzzy inside... haven't spoken to him on the phone since just after visiting him in august 2012 whilst i was out of work... we send messages online and text messages every once in a while, but hearing his voice made me feel really really good :-)

so the kids are not out front shouting anymore, and i got to talk to a special bloke... the evening starts off well... *fingers crossed*

oh and i got an egg, 2 strawberries and another tomato from the garden today - and a bug eaten tomato for the girls to peck at and get the goodies from inside.....

rain, rain, don't go away...

it's raining tonight thankfully...

nice to sit on the couch and listen to the rain to help me calm down a bit...

i don't like going physically crazy...

can't believe i got a bill from the plumber for the little amount of work he did the other day... oh well...

one of the girls at work gave me some meat today cause she had excess and i was talking about how rarely i go grocery shopping these days, so that was very kind of her - haven't had mince meat in yonks and i also now have some stewing steaks to slow cook with...

mmm slow cooker beef stroganoff - love it when it all turns to mush and the meat is just melting to nothing and the mushrooms have soaked up the flavours.....

i must do that on the weekend if i can manage it...

looking forward to saturday, fingers crossed it leads to something more and longer term for my future - i really need that right now...

i'm thinking that maybe these alternative nasal patches aren't as good... feeling a bit more tired than i have been recently, but that could just be because i didn't eat anything until dinner tonight.....

reset the do not call register thing to make sure my numbers were registered.....

paid telstra bill and the plumber bill...

really enjoying the food safari shows on dvd, good fun to watch and lots of interesting things to take note of for future reference in the kitchen.....

still can't get over the wasp in my bathroom this morning, that was a real shock, thank god i wasn't in the shower otherwise that would have been worse... just have to get rid of the body and clean up the puddle of fly spray on the ground where it landed.... should do that before i goto bed

"it don't hurt like it did, i can sing my song again"

"it don't hurt like it did, it hurts worse, who do i kid?"

it's not the way that you planned

my head's a bit of a muddle and puzzle this afternoon

i really can't make sense of things at the moment so i really can't find the words to be able to put it into sentences either

i think i'll just stay quiet for a while