dribs and drabs

i'm still trying to figure out how to make quick grand to bring the credit card back to a manageable level again (damn car insurance.....)

i have a baby car seat, possibly a wine table, maybe some music... it's a start, but i'll see what happens

my brain is a bit clogged at the moment, lots of thoughts, but nothing in particular... and i've had a great takeaway dinner, so my body is concentrating more-so on the pleasure that food brings me than anything else lol

i've had a lump feeling in my throat for a few days, i reckon it's just my reflux buggering me up again... and that's probably what the pain in my gut has been a couple of times in the mornings this week...

it's difficult to get through something when your heart isn't in it anymore, but you learn to live with it and keep plodding along until something better comes up...

really looking forward to this weekend, working a bit in the garden, going on a 4wd course on sunday, hopefully making something sweet, biscuits or similar, pork and a potato bake for dinner tomorrow (note to self, get grated cheese and bacon)... something of a different weekend... seemed like ages before it got here though...

so i ripped off the nasal patches last night, probably around 2am... i remember being conscious, but eyes shut, when i took them off, but i must've fallen back asleep cause then about an hour later i woke up and thought "what the hell is stuck on my thumb" - the patches were still stuck to my thumb lol

then i freaked out thinking someone was in my house, then realised it was the dishwasher doing it's tricks in the dead of night.....

i love to laugh, a lot, and i'm lucky i get to practice a lot of laughing at work - certainly makes slow boring days like today a bit more interesting...

meanwhile tonight, there was a customer after the trade area had shut the entry drive through roller door (exit door was still open)... he bought stuff, went to load up his car, then drove to the exit boom gate.... then started reversing, turned around and drove back the wrong way towards the entry roller door which was shut.... what a fuckin idiot! people never cease to amaze me with how stupid they can be...

my passport is on it's way at last, got an email from the passport office, so be nice to have that ready to go and then hopefully someone sends me the tickets so i can catch the flight lol it's not like i can say "hey mum, can you just keep a hold of the tickets and i'll collect them when i meet you all in singapore" lol

i need money *sigh*

the rumour file...

so today i had the pleasure of finding out a rumour that apparently was circling about me at work before christmas....

apparently i got one of the girls (who has had a hysterectomy, mind you) at work pregnant...

certainly gave me and a few others a good laugh!

there's a bundle of rumours spreading about different people at work at the moment... i guess not having customers leaves time for those silly ones starting them even more time to start some more!

of course some rumours are true... like with some people sleeping with others.... some person who has just had a kid is sleeping with someone in another dept... it's quite disgusting knowing the filth going on between people, whether they are open about it or not... certainly makes it difficult to walk into work in the morning and see some of these people around and just being utterly disgusted by their actions. i avoid them like the plague otherwise i'll punch them out to try and knock some sense into them... and then i realise people like that have no sense or good morals about them so punching them would be a complete waste of my stress relief...

it all aids in motivating my own life and goals...

meanwhile, can someone please stop switching my brain off while i'm driving? i'd like to get home without feeling like passing out to sleep... it's a bit scary cause it really is one of those things that you don't quite register as happening, until it's almost too late - touch wood it's only been *almost* too late, so far...

so i had another couple of dreams last night...

one was in wollongong somewhere with mum and dad, like in a pub or a cafe somewhere... looked out the window and i pointed out to something that resembled the cutting of the former saltworks train line along north gong beach (now a walking track), and the way it was positioned, i told my parents that the cutting was created after the stack was demolished - that it was where it landed and caused the dip in the land...

next i was at a long term car park at melbourne airport, parked my truck and was walking to one of the bus stops to transport me to the terminal, but the bus was full and i was running late for catching my plane...

those plane dreams always seem to carry on in the lead up to an overseas trip, or just a flight in general...

this afternoon i was bad and i had a nap on the couch... and even during that short stint i had dreams lol something to do with paul coming up to visit and he called me from the main street of ballan saying he was almost here and then jon rocks up in my driveway at that moment, so was a bit surprised that two people were visiting..... the weird thing is though, when i was telling paul that jon had just pulled up, i woke up from the nap/dream and i did say something out loud back to paul, but i cannot remember what it was lol - haven't done that for years either lol

the brain has certainly been on a bender today!

one step at a time

first hurdle jumped...

more hurdles ahead...

just keep running and jumping, running and jumping, you'll reach the finish line in the end!

i always like to think that the saying is true - you get just as much out of something as compared to how much you put into it... (or something like that)

efforts generally do pay off, you just have to keep focusing on the result you are aiming for.

i think the nasal patches are starting to work their charms - as much charm as nasal patches can give.... lol

haven't had a daytime nap since last thursday... still struggling to wake up in the mornings and feel like i've rested enough... still having troubles staying awake on the road at times...

i get to see my doctor on saturday morning, and by the sounds of it, i think it'll be the last time as she's moving on to new adventures...

chopped up the next batch of fruit salad for the nutribullet thingy... quite enjoying having those in the mornings when i make the time for myself.

still think about spending some time with a big bear one day... i'm sure it'll happen, just don't look for it, the opportunity will present itself when the moment is right...

those cheeky ducks still crapping on the driveway... ah well... cleaning the driveway every couple of days is a small price to pay to have families of feathers around my home :-)

i'm still unsure whether having this blog is actually helping me at all, but it's certainly keeping my brain a bit regular and that's a good thing, so i'll keep at it for a while longer.....

prostitution as a means of earning money, and other wonderful ideas.....

i must be having better nights of sleep. dreams continue regularly and still weirder and weirder...

last night was with eddie, patsy and saffron from absolutely fabulous... in oak flats... in the house i grew up in... quite strange...

although each time i watch the first episode of that show it reminds me of one of my ex-idiots - the fat one..... very realistic lol

can't wait for summer to end - warm today again but at least it's cooling down nicely... just looking forward to nice cold nights in front of the wood fire, frosty cold mornings to make you feel alive in a very short space of time.....

been trying to think of what i could sell to make a quick grand to pay off the credit card, but don't know what i have that would be worth much... or worth that much that i actually wanted to part with (that clause should rule out my house and truck lol)...

every now and again i think that prostitution would be an easier way to make quick money, until i realise that i can't pick the people that wanted to pay, cause usually those that are willing to pay would be the ones who couldn't get something without forking out the cash lol

maybe perhaps just an escort service, i'll drive someone somewhere, stand in as whatever they need me to act as, then collect the cash and go home, that sounds much more civil :-)

maybe there's a market for lawn clippings, i can get plenty of that stuff lol

then again, mowing costs money in the form of petrol and oil etc and there's not much clippings to cut at the moment - i think black and tails might get the shits if i rake out all the stuff i threw in for them to play with on sunday night hehehe

well if anyone has any ideas, let me know - and not the lotto, i've tried it lol

getting on with it

had a good day today.

got to catch up with paul. haven't seen him in ages - certainly felt like ages.

he's a good guy, i'm lucky to have him as one of my friends, he is fun to hang out with, have a good laugh, point and laugh at profiles on some of those dodgy websites we use to chat to strange men lol

then a nice trip to watervale for another budget lap of the grocery shops and yummy chicken pasta salad for lunch, mmm

FINALLY sorted out the damned car insurance, just stayed with qbe, they were the cheapest anyway, and i was a bit worried if i lied about not having made any claims if i changed to someone else...

made another 2 steps to get my life sorted out this afternoon...

always wanted to have a job where i could catch the train again..... maybe the train is the way to go..... wait and see...

i know a lot of really nice people online too, bundle of em were pretty good and supportive after my blogging last night - good people are still out there when you aren't looking for them...

made dinner, watered the gardens, refilled the chookies water with clean fresh water..... did my ironing (bliss!) and had a mug of milk and some biscuits...

overall, it was indeed a good day.

not much else to report really... oh had a funny dream about the chooks last night... was going out to feed them and found an extra couple of girls in there.... but Tails wasn't there... turns out, the wind was blowing open one of the feed bin lids and tails was jumping in to stuff herself silly with feed! silly girl hehehe

and the birdlife around here is so wonderful, magpies, sulpher crested cockatoos, crimson rosellas, eastern rosellas, corellas, ducks...

was funny when i was watering the plants out front tonight, the ducks all flew in and gathered at the end of the court, and i was telling em to go away and not crap all over my driveaway (since i had just cleaned it all off 5 mins earlier).... i flicked the hose to straighten it out and it startled them, so they flew over to the empty paddock across the road.... encountered a couple of magpies and the magpies started to run across the paddock to chase the ducks away lol - i figured maybe the ducks were crapping too much in the magpie's yard too hehehe

silly thoughts, they make me laugh and smile :-)

off to bed then, back to work in the morning, fingers crossed i can wake up and start feeling rested... i'm over being tired!

am i the only one who thinks this way?

my body aches... but at least it was only 2 hours worth of mowing... mowed more dirt than grass admittedly, but at least all the stringy growth of dandelions are trimmed back to a neat low cut... and the chookies have some grass and dirt to dig around in and fossick around for some grubbies...

i'm really not sure about my nasal patches for the sleep apnea just yet.

i've gotten to the stage, though, that i can wear the patches all night and not take them off during the night without realising it, so i must be used to them now...

just a worry when i wake up in the morning and feel even more exhausted than i used to be, and occasionally wake up with headaches too... but the specialist said to expect sleep patterns to get worse before they start to get better...

i really just don't like the feeling of drifting off to sleep and feeling like it's impossible to fight - whilst driving...

it reminds me of a time last year when i was waiting to catch a train to the city for alex's birthday... i was standing on the edge of the platform wondering what it would be like to jump in front of a moving train... how it would feel, the impact on the body, recovery (if possible).... i started to wonder whether those who had done just that were thinking along the same lines as me, not so much to suicide but just curiosity... cause that's all it really was.

the doctor said that those trying to suicide are more so thinking that doing such a rash thing would be a solution to their problems... i certainly wasn't thinking that at all, so i was ok about it all..

but backtracking to the driving and falling asleep thing - the similarity that i thought about, was thinking 'is this what happens to those who fall asleep at the wheel?'

do they feel the sensation of tiredness creeping up behind them and before they realise what's happening to their body, it's too late?

i know it's a bit morbid, but it really does make me think... and hopefully the more i think about it, the less likely i am to have a full on pass out...

one of the reasons i wish i could catch the train to work... no risk of causing accidents at the seat of a train whilst sleeping.....

*yawn* that reminds me - i'm tired, and it's late, and my laundry has just finished... i can goto bed now, hug the teddy bear and tell him i love him

another dollar, another day

same old routine, in my way

what's there to say about today?

dunno really

work was steady, not as quiet as recent weekends have been

got to catch the train to work and back, that was great, relaxing to not have to focus on the drive up the freeway which meant no stress of possibly falling asleep at the wheel... falling asleep on the train is much nicer - been easy for me to sleep on the train for as long as i can remember, but touch wood, i haven't missed my stop yet...

makes the day at work seem quicker too which was good

then got to see someone at the station on the way home who i thought was a hottie when he was at work... still do think that...

he's got his dream job and good on him - wonder what it must be like to work your dream job...

does it make everything fall into place? do you know that you'll be there until you retire? must be a fulfilling feeling...

that's something that i'd like..

i've always had this idea that when you find a good job, you're there until you retire, but i think those times have changed... i've lost my job a few times with business' going into administration/liquidation... call centres that shift you around as they see fit even if it's not what you originally signed up for... electronic repair shops that have owner's who employ their stupid and psychotic mothers.... data entry work that lasts as long as the work is there so you don't know how long you have the job for....

i guess i realise that job security is now (unfortunately) a thing of the past, and that's really sad. it makes it difficult to be able to plan for your own longer term future...

i suppose when you have a mortgage, that's the thing that you worry about the most.

i'm probably experiencing less medical dramas compared to others, but for someone living for their own self, i think i've been beaten with the medical hockey stick a fair bit... nose operations, facial operations, braces, depression, arthritis, anxiety, now moderate/severe sleep apnea... these things cost me too much money than i care to think about... but health comes first i guess...

i'm sure that one day, without realising, everything will fall into place for me...

until then i'll continue to work as hard as i can in the hope i can get myself in a better position mentally and financially...